|From:||Sudbury, Canada||Add Friend My Playlists My Presents My Friends My Comments||Block User My Favorites Stuff I Watched My Pictures Report User My Reviews|
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Take a peek at my favorites list. Maybe we could be movie BFF's? ;D
Giving the stink eye, being a crazy cat lady.... and reading. If you want to talk books I'm all eyes!
Kudos back, for being a ghost busters fan too.
Thanks for the Kudos! and giving me back some faith in humanity, not every one seems to be an idiot these days.
Happy Father's Day, guys!
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People --What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Men Are Just Happier People
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
On Mother's Day, a police officer called the station on his radio.
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."
Tech humor at its best! (funny oldie)
A woman wrote to tech support,
and their reply is a stroke of genius.
This young woman is no different from the rest of us, both family happiness and heartbreak are familiar to her. She is simply looking for an answer to her questions: How do you maintain a relationship? How do you bring back the excitement of the first date?
She wrote a letter to the tech support to find her answers. She sent the letter as a joke and only remembered about it when she suddenly received an email notification with a response.
Bright Side welcomes you to read these emails. This correspondence changed her life, and can possibly change yours.
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
The Graduate Student
A nicely dressed young man goes into a classy lounge, takes a seat at the bar and orders a drink. A few minutes later a very nicely put-together young lady comes in, takes a seat two stools down and smiles at the young man. The young man asks politely if he could buy her a drink.
The young lady responds in a very loud voice: "MOTEL?"
The lounge goes silent and the young man, totally embarassed, just looks straight ahead.
A few minutes later the young man glances at the girl and she smiles again.
The young man says to her, "Excuse me miss, you must have misunderstood me, I only asked if I could buy you a drink."
The gal says in an even louder voice: "MOTEL??"
The lounge goes absolutely silent and the young man sees everyone staring at him. All he wants to do is find a hole, crawl in it and die.
About 5 minutes later the gal reaches over and touches his arm and says, "You seem like a very nice young man. I'm so sorry if I embarrassed you, let me explain. I'm doing graduate work in Psychology and I'm researching the effects of stimulus and response. I hope you understand."
The young man smiles and says "Actually, I do understand." And in a very loud voice says: "FIFTY DOLLARS???"
Have a great day.....Stay Safe.
Florida woman stops alligator attack with a small Beretta pistol
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside of The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took....
The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was really incredible. "
The Best Fruitcake Ever
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
1 or 2 quarts whiskey or vodka
Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good isn't it? Now go ahead.
Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just right.
To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.
With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add1 teaspoon of thrugar and beat again.
Meanwhile, make sure that the whiskey is of the finest quality. Cry another tup. Open second quart if necessary.
Add 2 arge legs, 2 cups fried druit and beat til high. If druit gets stuck in beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey again, checking for tonscisticity.
Next, sift 3 cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter. Sample the whiskey.
Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find, wix mel. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees. Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake.
Check the whiskey again and bo to ged.
The Blonde Mortician
A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in navy blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a navy blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a very elegant navy blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician gives her back the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite navy blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde replies, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive navy blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing an elegant black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.
....so I just switched the heads.'
Hi friend! :]
If Only Women Trusted Their Husbands
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband...for example...
A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Hi Darling", he says. "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
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