markiemark65 Heeeeeeeelp Me
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Hey Hi Guys im a 45 year old guy who suffers from Bi Polar WHICH KINDA SUCKS But the good times are amazing
Watching horror thriller films But i can be a real wimp at times so some films I end up watching the back of my eye lids
Wow!! How's this for a fun camping idea???
Confucius said all that...?
It's ok to let a fool kiss you,
But don't let a kiss fool you.
A kiss is just shopping upstairs
For downstairs merchandise.
It is better to lose a lover
Than love a loser.
Man with a broken condom
Is called a Daddy
A drunken man's words
Are a sober man's thoughts.
Marriage is like a bank account.
You put it in, you take it out,
And you lose interest.
Viagra is like Disneyland ....
A one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
It is much better to want the mate you do not have
Than to have the mate you do not want.
A joke is like sex.
Neither is any good if you don't get it.
A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe some of these! Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic !
1. Strike while the / bug is close.
2. It's always darkest before / Daylight Saving Time.
3. Never underestimate the power of / termites.
4. You can lead a horse to water but / how?
5. Don't bite the hand that / looks dirty.
6. No news is / impossible.
7. A miss is as good as a / Mr.
8. You can't teach an old dog new / math.
9. If you lie down with dogs, you'll / stink in the morning.
10. Love all, trust / me.
11. The pen is mightier than the / pigs.
12. An idle mind is / the best way to relax.
13. Where there's smoke there's / pollution.
14. Happy the bride who / gets all the presents.
15. A penny saved is / not much.
16. Two's company, three's / the Musketeers.
17. Don't put off till tomorrow what / you put on to go to bed.
18. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and / you have to blow your nose.
19. There are none so blind as / Stevie Wonder.
20. Children should be seen and not / spanked or grounded.
21. If at first you don't succeed / get new batteries.
22. You get out of something only what you / see in the picture on the box.
23. When the blind lead the blind / get out of the way.
24. A bird in the hand / is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
25. Better late than / pregnant.
Do you have a pick for the ten dollar bill Markie?
Why Wives Shouldn't Go Hunting....
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his
wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"
Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along.
Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas.
Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."
He walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer.
Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.
Quickly, Jake starts running back. As he gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get the hell away from my deer!"
Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get the hell away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire!
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas game warden with his hands high in the air.
The game warden, obviously distraught, yelled, "Okay, lady! You can have your damn deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
My cat Duffy is getting better. Frankly he is driving me nuts because he is getting strong enough to make a fuss for being kept in the house. He is too weak to take care of himself and might not get his medication ontime as well.I was very impressed by the outpouring of sympathy from all of you guys.Duffy was not impressed. He just wants to eat toonie every two hours or so.Thank you so much for your good wishes and concern.
Kudos for you Markiemark
Stop or slow down?
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's expense.
Irish cop says, "License and registration, please."
London lawyer says, "What for?"
Irish cop says,"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
London lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Irish cop says,"Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
London lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop,that's the law. License and registration, please!"
London lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
The London lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"
15 Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives
1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave things on the floor.
4. Dogs' parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you interesting when you're pissed.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell them.
11. When you drop a silent one, they enjoy the aroma and don't run around frantically with room spray.
12. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don't lick them.
13. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a pervert.
14. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.
And last, but not least:
15. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.
To verify these statements: Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour,
then open the door, and observe who's happy to see you!
When I saw this pic I was reminded fondly of all the imaginary games I would play as a child.
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