markiemark65 Heeeeeeeelp Me
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Hey Hi Guys im a 45 year old guy who suffers from Bi Polar WHICH KINDA SUCKS But the good times are amazing
Watching horror thriller films But i can be a real wimp at times so some films I end up watching the back of my eye lids
Why Wives Shouldn't Go Hunting....
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his
wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"
Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along.
Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas.
Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."
He walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer.
Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.
Quickly, Jake starts running back. As he gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get the hell away from my deer!"
Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get the hell away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire!
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas game warden with his hands high in the air.
The game warden, obviously distraught, yelled, "Okay, lady! You can have your damn deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
My cat Duffy is getting better. Frankly he is driving me nuts because he is getting strong enough to make a fuss for being kept in the house. He is too weak to take care of himself and might not get his medication ontime as well.I was very impressed by the outpouring of sympathy from all of you guys.Duffy was not impressed. He just wants to eat toonie every two hours or so.Thank you so much for your good wishes and concern.
Kudos for you Markiemark
Stop or slow down?
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's expense.
Irish cop says, "License and registration, please."
London lawyer says, "What for?"
Irish cop says,"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
London lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Irish cop says,"Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
London lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop,that's the law. License and registration, please!"
London lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
The London lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"
15 Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives
1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave things on the floor.
4. Dogs' parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you interesting when you're pissed.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell them.
11. When you drop a silent one, they enjoy the aroma and don't run around frantically with room spray.
12. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don't lick them.
13. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a pervert.
14. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.
And last, but not least:
15. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.
To verify these statements: Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour,
then open the door, and observe who's happy to see you!
When I saw this pic I was reminded fondly of all the imaginary games I would play as a child.
I know you can appreciate this. At one time or another, my mother made some of those exact statements. Brings back memories:)
I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning.'
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
into the middle of next week!'
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
'Because I said so, that's why.'
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me.'
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident.'
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
'You are going to get it when you get home!'
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going
to get stuck that way.'
19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you are cold?'
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me.'
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
'If you don't eat your vegetables,
you'll never grow up.'
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think
you were born in a barn?'
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope
they turn out just like you!'
The wife's back on the warpath again.
Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest
we should hold auditions for her part.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she
likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for awhile, the wife and I were going to
commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I
started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!
I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong. I got
downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I
panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves
breakfast until 11:30.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her,
"Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I
replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like
she's moving during sex.
Thanks for friend request. Accepted and sending Kudos your way. Take care.
A volcano that has been dormant for nearly 50 years has erupted not once, but twice in the same day in Chile.The first eruption shot a thick pillar of smoke and ashes into the air, nearly 7 kilometers high! The area, which is luckily not very densely populated, was evacuated and a state of emergency has been declared. There is even a curfew currently in effect and the military has been sent in help.
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