markiemark65 Heeeeeeeelp Me
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Hey Hi Guys im a 45 year old guy who suffers from Bi Polar WHICH KINDA SUCKS But the good times are amazing
Watching horror thriller films But i can be a real wimp at times so some films I end up watching the back of my eye lids
Well....we made it another year above ground. Here's to many more. I wish you health, wealth and happiness in the comming year.
Florida woman stops alligator attack with a small Beretta pistol
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside of The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took....
The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was really incredible. "
The Best Fruitcake Ever
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
1 or 2 quarts whiskey or vodka
Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good isn't it? Now go ahead.
Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just right.
To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.
With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add1 teaspoon of thrugar and beat again.
Meanwhile, make sure that the whiskey is of the finest quality. Cry another tup. Open second quart if necessary.
Add 2 arge legs, 2 cups fried druit and beat til high. If druit gets stuck in beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey again, checking for tonscisticity.
Next, sift 3 cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter. Sample the whiskey.
Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find, wix mel. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees. Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake.
Check the whiskey again and bo to ged.
+5K for you!
Kudos for you.
The Blonde Mortician
A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in navy blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a navy blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a very elegant navy blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician gives her back the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite navy blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde replies, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive navy blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing an elegant black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.
....so I just switched the heads.'
Hi friend! :]
If Only Women Trusted Their Husbands
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband...for example...
A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Hi Darling", he says. "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
Kudos for you.
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