markiemark65 Heeeeeeeelp Me
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Hey Hi Guys im a 45 year old guy who suffers from Bi Polar WHICH KINDA SUCKS But the good times are amazing
Watching horror thriller films But i can be a real wimp at times so some films I end up watching the back of my eye lids
Why Teachers Continue to Drink Heavily
The following questions were in last year's GED examination (These are genuine answers):
Q. What is a turbine?
A.. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head. (I love this one!)
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.
Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U (WT?)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
(That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome .
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girl friend's birthday, and as they had only started dating, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: personal, but not too personal.
Accompanied by the girl friend's younger sister, he went to Macy's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed up, and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got the panties.
Unaware of this, the guy sent the package to the girl friend with the following note:
I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the sales clerk that helped me has a pair that she has been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night.
All my love.
p.s. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
Kudos for you MarkieMark
I had one of those days I'd rather not talk about.
My fervent hope is the rest of ths week will be great for all of us.
There were other whites in this grouping but just before the photographer arrived, they had to see a man about a mouse....lol
Classic Oldie---Lie Detector
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some schoolwork."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son again.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."
Dad says, "What?" At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
Robot For Sale.....
He said, She said
He said to her, "I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it."
She said to him, "You wear pants don't you?"
He said to her, "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said to him, "That's a good idea - you stand by the stove and sink while I sit on the sofa and fart."
He said to her, "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
"She said to him, "Turn sideways and look in the mirror!"
He said to her, "Why don't women blink during foreplay?"
She said to him, "They don't have time."
He said to her, "How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?"
She said to him, "I don't know; it has never happened."
He said to her, "Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
She said to him, "They already have boyfriends."
He said to her, "What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?"
She said to him, "A widow."
He said to her, "Why are married women heavier than single women?"
She said to him, "Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge."
I can't get my cats to help me exercise like this.
WATER IN THE CARBURETOR
WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?
WIFE: "In the pool."
A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
It means 75% are running around untreated.
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for
their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone.
He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Meg
was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone. The
next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like
your new phone?"
Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a
bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
HE MUST PAY
Husband and wife had a tiff.
Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you."
SO WHAT"S THE PROBLEM?
A wife asks her husband, Could you please go shopping for me and buy
one carton of milk, and if they have avocados, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk??"
He replied, "They had avocados."
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again!
Men will get it the first time.
Today's Short Reading from the Bible... from Genesis:
"And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."
Then She made the earth round...and She laughed and laughed and laughed!
Fabulous 360-degree photography!
Kudos for you Markie
Wow!! How's this for a fun camping idea???
Confucius said all that...?
It's ok to let a fool kiss you,
But don't let a kiss fool you.
A kiss is just shopping upstairs
For downstairs merchandise.
It is better to lose a lover
Than love a loser.
Man with a broken condom
Is called a Daddy
A drunken man's words
Are a sober man's thoughts.
Marriage is like a bank account.
You put it in, you take it out,
And you lose interest.
Viagra is like Disneyland ....
A one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
It is much better to want the mate you do not have
Than to have the mate you do not want.
A joke is like sex.
Neither is any good if you don't get it.
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