markiemark65 Heeeeeeeelp Me
|From:||Maidstone, United Kingdom||Add Friend My Playlists My Presents My Friends My Comments||Block User My Favorites Stuff I Watched My Pictures Report User My Reviews|
|Joined:||6 years ago|
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Hey Hi Guys im a 45 year old guy who suffers from Bi Polar WHICH KINDA SUCKS But the good times are amazing
Watching horror thriller films But i can be a real wimp at times so some films I end up watching the back of my eye lids
gday mate, thanks for the friendship request, I know you cant send wp's, drop by anytime, plus K for you too!!
Tech humor at its best! (funny oldie)
A woman wrote to tech support,
and their reply is a stroke of genius.
This young woman is no different from the rest of us, both family happiness and heartbreak are familiar to her. She is simply looking for an answer to her questions: How do you maintain a relationship? How do you bring back the excitement of the first date?
She wrote a letter to the tech support to find her answers. She sent the letter as a joke and only remembered about it when she suddenly received an email notification with a response.
Bright Side welcomes you to read these emails. This correspondence changed her life, and can possibly change yours.
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Shall we jump up and make the most of our extra day? Or shall we just chill?
The Graduate Student
A nicely dressed young man goes into a classy lounge, takes a seat at the bar and orders a drink. A few minutes later a very nicely put-together young lady comes in, takes a seat two stools down and smiles at the young man. The young man asks politely if he could buy her a drink.
The young lady responds in a very loud voice: "MOTEL?"
The lounge goes silent and the young man, totally embarassed, just looks straight ahead.
A few minutes later the young man glances at the girl and she smiles again.
The young man says to her, "Excuse me miss, you must have misunderstood me, I only asked if I could buy you a drink."
The gal says in an even louder voice: "MOTEL??"
The lounge goes absolutely silent and the young man sees everyone staring at him. All he wants to do is find a hole, crawl in it and die.
About 5 minutes later the gal reaches over and touches his arm and says, "You seem like a very nice young man. I'm so sorry if I embarrassed you, let me explain. I'm doing graduate work in Psychology and I'm researching the effects of stimulus and response. I hope you understand."
The young man smiles and says "Actually, I do understand." And in a very loud voice says: "FIFTY DOLLARS???"
Carol loves her Cupid!
Well....we made it another year above ground. Here's to many more. I wish you health, wealth and happiness in the comming year.
Florida woman stops alligator attack with a small Beretta pistol
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside of The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took....
The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was really incredible. "
The Best Fruitcake Ever
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
1 or 2 quarts whiskey or vodka
Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good isn't it? Now go ahead.
Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just right.
To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.
With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add1 teaspoon of thrugar and beat again.
Meanwhile, make sure that the whiskey is of the finest quality. Cry another tup. Open second quart if necessary.
Add 2 arge legs, 2 cups fried druit and beat til high. If druit gets stuck in beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey again, checking for tonscisticity.
Next, sift 3 cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter. Sample the whiskey.
Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find, wix mel. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees. Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake.
Check the whiskey again and bo to ged.
+5K for you!
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