Forum Index > Off Topic > What is the best joke (new rules) No dirty words,,use ******

User Info Post
weeozy
Posts: 71
4yr old sittin on the stairs and his mum watches while he eats a smartie and bites his cat and moves down a step and dose the same thing again his mum asks wat hes doing he says im practicin 4 wen im older im poppin pills eating pussy and moving on.
Posted 3 years, 10 months ago | Quote Post
weeozy
Posts: 71
a guy who worked in b and q asked me if i wanted decking but i was fast as f**k and got the 1st punch in
Posted 3 years, 10 months ago | Quote Post
weeozy
Posts: 71
pensioner at a bus stop staring at a punk rocker standing next to him with spiked orange, green and blue hair. punk said wat u looking at grandad? havent u done anything wild? pensioner replied yes i once i f**ked a parrot and i was wondering if u were my son
Posted 3 years, 10 months ago ( Edited 3 years, 10 months ago ) | Quote Post
weeozy
Posts: 71
y are men smartest wen they're havin sex?
because ther pluged into a woman
Posted 3 years, 10 months ago | Quote Post
weeozy
Posts: 71
man gose to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his penis. lady asks wat r u? he says a fireman brake the glass, pull the knob and ill come as fast as i can
Posted 3 years, 10 months ago | Quote Post
Post by TommyTwice is hidden because it exceeded your tolerance threshold. ( ? ) [ Show/Hide Post ]
TommyTwice
Posts: 1567
3 Guys are in a cafe.

The first guy says "I have the smallest arm in the world."

The second guy says I have the smallest head in the world."

The third guy says I have the smallest dick in the world.

They all go to the Guinness Book of World records.

The first guy comes back and says I really have the smallest arm in the world.

The seconds guy returns and says I have the smallest head in the world.

The third guy comes back and angrily says WHO THE FUCK IS JUSTIN BIEBER
Posted 3 years, 10 months ago | Quote Post
Precious1
Posts: 4980
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because men fake foreplay!
Posted 3 years, 10 months ago | Quote Post
TommyTwice
Posts: 1567
Quote:
Precious1 wrote:

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because men fake foreplay!


everybody wins :)
Posted 3 years, 10 months ago | Quote Post
Precious1
Posts: 4980
user posted image
;)
Posted 3 years, 10 months ago | Quote Post
jesuscat
Posts: 3324
why did the little girl fall off the swing?

she had no arms.
Posted 3 years, 10 months ago | Quote Post
Precious1
Posts: 4980
What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
Posted 3 years, 5 months ago ( Edited 3 years, 5 months ago ) | Quote Post
jesuscat
Posts: 3324
You so ugly that when you said you wanted to donate your body to science, science said no.
Posted 3 years, 5 months ago | Quote Post
Ryukk1984
Posts: 1882
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.
Posted 3 years, 5 months ago | Quote Post
StayTrue
Posts: 437
guy calls downstairs to his mrs "can you come up and help us fix this clock love?" so she goes upstairs and the guy's stood there with his knob out. the mrs says "that's not a clock!" the guy says "It will be when you put two hands and a face on it."

edit: that's within the tolerance threshold isn't it? if it's not, sorry big guy!
Posted 3 years, 4 months ago ( Edited 3 years, 4 months ago ) | Quote Post
RoboPhone
Posts: 33687
Man walks into Borders and asks the counter girl, "Do you have the new self-help book for a man with a really small penis?"

She says, "I don't think it's in yet."

He replies "Yeah, thats the one!!!"
Posted 3 years, 4 months ago | Quote Post
jesuscat
Posts: 3324
Husband and wife sitting on their porch having a nice glass of wine,
"I love you" the wife says softly,

"Is that you or the wine talking?" asks the husband,

She replies, "Its me talking to the wine"
Posted 3 years, 4 months ago ( Edited 3 years, 4 months ago ) | Quote Post
Post by Precious1 is hidden because it exceeded your tolerance threshold. ( ? ) [ Show/Hide Post ]
Precious1
Posts: 4980



What's the difference between a pub and a clitoris?
Most men have no trouble finding a pub.


Posted 3 years, 4 months ago | Quote Post
Post by Wolfrequiem is hidden because it exceeded your tolerance threshold. ( ? ) [ Show/Hide Post ]
Wolfrequiem
Posts: 3150
A Baptist minister was seated next to a Marine on a flight to Memphis,
Tenn. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Marine asked for a scotch and soda, which was brought and placed
before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would
like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores
than let liquor touch my lips."

The Marine then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me
too. I didn't know we had a choice."
Posted 3 years, 4 months ago | Quote Post
Wolfrequiem
Posts: 3150
LIVING WILL

Last night my kids and I were sitting in the living room, and I said to them, "I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.

If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

The kids got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my beer.

Little jerks.


Children Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on
the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that
we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's
cherry tree, but also admitted it.

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand....
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers
before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the
same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking
when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher





Posted 3 years, 4 months ago | Quote Post
NapalmSticks2Kids
Posts: 379
A French guest who was staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!
Posted 3 years, 4 months ago | Quote Post

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